Re: [Haskell-cafe] the problem of design by negation

Instead of continuing to make the request, ask what it would take for the request to be possible.

Thanks, Jason. I like this shift. It moves the dynamic away from a tightly confined yes/no (and often win/lose) to an expansive *how*. It welcomes collaboration in finding something better than either yes or no to the original request, in that both/all parties' needs can be addressed, not just one. - Conal On Thu, May 21, 2009 at 11:04 PM, Jason Dagit wrote:

On Thu, May 21, 2009 at 10:53 PM, Conal Elliott wrote:

...

<advice> One thing you may try is to ask the architect for evidence and/or logical proof of his claims that something cannot work. As much as you can, ask from a place of curiosity and even awe. After all, existence can often be proved by demonstrating an example, while non-existence proofs tend to be much more profound. And stick to your open-minded disbelief until you really see evidence or logical rigor. If the architect gets flustered and embarrassed, he may well go on the attack. After all, bravado signals weak ego, which can quickly become a cornered animal. So pay attention to his stress level, and help his salvage his ego, by suggesting he let you know more about the evidence and/or logic when he's worked it out. Be careful to stay in your integrity, neither going along with someone's forcefulness, nor representing yourself as having more grounds for confidence than you really do. </advice>

Thanks Conal for that sagely advice.

I recently asked my local conversation expert how to deal with passive aggressive people/managers, and he gave similar advice. He said that when someone is dragging their feet or providing excuses, change the conversation into one about problem solving. Instead of continuing to make the request, ask what it would take for the request to be possible. I think your advice is exactly that, just in a slightly different context.

Also, in the times when the speaker understands the problem better than myself, I tend to learn something new about the problem domain that, whether it is a show stopper or not, is a significant issue to address.

Thanks, Jason